Standing Still

I feel like my life is at a stand still right now. In three weeks we have to move, yet we don’t have a new apartment yet, no movers are booked, nothing is packed, and our current apartment isn’t sublet yet. I know that three weeks can seem like a long time (like back when we were little and waiting for Christmas), but I also know that it is going to sneak up on very, very quickly.

I wish I could just relax and forget about this move for a day or two. I want to pick up my Tarot cards, play a game, or read a book and not think that I should be cleaning this or sorting that. And what makes it even more ridiculous is that we don’t have a lot of junk. Sure, my book collection is a good size, numbering close to 300 or 400 volumes, but it is all easily packed. I think it boils down to the fact that I hate change. Sometimes I wish I was back in university, in my comfortable bedroom back home, with all my old junk and knickknacks. Life was a little easier, even with the difficult school work. Answers were a little more black and white, and if I had problems my parents were right there to help out.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t give up my relationship with quanta for anything. I love him with all my heart, even though I get distressed with him on a nearly daily basis. (He does things slowly, whereas I like things taken care of quickly. Very aggravating.) It is just that some days I really wish I wasn’t growing up and getting older. I’d like to take a break. Drop all responsibility for a couple of days and just look after me. No planning to move, no cooking, no cleaning, no worrying about finding a new job, nothing. Just me and a couple of fun non-fiction books and maybe (the horror!) a bag of chips.

Argh. When the move is done, it will be time to go back to planning the wedding too. Why am I always so overwhelmed? Maybe it is because I don’t truly know my own Will.