Want vs. Need

It is taking all my will power, and the scent of cooling peach crisp, to stay awake. It has been a long day. I was gently woken from my sleep at 6am by the sound of Isis barffing. She has developed a neat little trick–if her bowl is empty in the morning, she just stands in the dining room and coughs up a little spit. She makes it sound good though, more like she is coughing up a lung. And then I have to jump out of bed to make sure that she hasn’t ruined to furniture. She scampers away, and I swear I can hear her laughing.

I finally got back to sleep, after two of these little “coughing fits”. (I refused to feed her at first, since there is no sense reinforcing bad behaviour. But there is no denying a hungry cat.) I tried to sleep through quanta’s shower, but of course I couldn’t. Then I got up and made his lunch and lounged on the sofa until it was time for me to get ready for work. Work itself was busy but not stressful. But, thanks to my early morning, I’ve been having a “I’m feeling yucky” sort of a day.

On to more spiritual matters. I’ve decided against taking a Buddhist meditation class that is being held at our town hall. I can’t really afford it right now, and I figure I will be distracted by thinking about the money. She seems to offer this course twice a year, so I will just have to save up for the spring set.

I’m also trying new strategies to help cope with my wanting. It seems like every day I seem something new at work that I want, or that would make a nice gift for someone I know. I want to by it all, but I definitely can’t afford any of it. I’ve tried reminding myself that I must pay off my student loans before we have a baby. (I don’t want to go back to work right away.) But that wasn’t working. (We have some baby stuff I would love to get!) Now, whenever I think about buying something, like that lovely white almond scented candle, I repeat the word “Want” over and over in my head. It is really working. I’m not criticizing myself or saying it in a mean way, I am just reminding myself that it is a want and not a need. I need to pay off my loan; I want a moonstone pendant. There is a big difference there. We will have to see how long this plan works…

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