I started this post this morning, sitting in the den in the dark. I usually get up about a half an hour before everyone else so that I can enjoy some quiet time just for me. Sometimes I knit, sometimes I do a little bit of work, and sometimes I just surf the Internet. I only have the glow of the computer screen to light the room because I don’t want to disturb Baby Man. When he wakes up I usually turn on the light in the den and allow him to play quietly in his room for another half an hour or so (depending on the noises I hear coming from his room). This time in the morning is mine. I don’t get much done, certainly no cross stitching in the poor light, but it helps me start my day. I often think about adding a cup of tea to my morning routine, but I don’t want to make any kitchen noises that could wake up Baby Man earlier.
I’m discovering that there is a real balancing act to being a mom. It is like learning to be a wife, but even more intense. You have to figure out a way to be there for the other person as much as possible, while still retaining everything that makes you you. When it comes to being a mom that is really difficult because the other person starts off as a helpless baby, dependent on you for everything and with no notion that you might need some time and space for yourself. And as you begin to figure out how to balance your child’s demands with what you need, they get older and more independent and change everything.
Baby Man is 22-months old now. He isn’t a baby any more. When I look at him I see a little boy who is intelligent, independent, imaginative, funny, and very happy. I want him to always be like this. He only seems to get grumpy if his nap is delayed or if he is teething (and his last 4 molars are coming in right now). The only thing I would change is his eating habits. He likes to eat potato in any form, hot-dogs, yogurt, rice chips and bananas and that is about it. It is endless frustrating to us, but we are all coping. (I understand that it could be much worse.)
I’m thankful that I am able to stay home with Baby Man, and hope that I can do so at least until he starts school (but who knows what life will bring). I’ll miss having him as my daily companion when kindergarten starts in another few years. But, I think I will also enjoy having greater stretches of my day to myself. It will take a while to get used to, though, I think. Right now, when my husband takes him for a walk, I don’t know what to do with myself during the quiet time when they are gone.
Today, though, I’m happy to sneak in some knitting and stitching time whenever I can, as much as I can. Seeing all of Baby Man’s new accomplishments (High 5!) and hearing his new words and sentences go a long way towards letting me know that my time with him is well spent.
I’m ending this post several hours later. Baby Man is napping, and I’m taking a breather–doing laundry, tidying up, writing this post, and then doing some work. Some days, if I’m lucky or really tired, I take a nap too. Today I’m happy that Baby Man ate most of his breakfast and lunch and that his teeth aren’t bothering him too much. I look forward to him waking up, but also to when he goes to bed tonight so I can have some stitching time.
I was going to post a picture of Baby Man today, but I forgot to snap one before he went to sleep. So, I’m sharing my latest project instead: Winter Frost by Patricia Ann Designs from the 2008 JCS ornament issue. I’ve left of the border and changed the treasures in the centre of the snowflakes to beads (the treasures look much too big and heavy).