I’ve been reading a couple of books on social phobia and shyness, and I am starting to understand myself a little better. It is nice to know that I’m not the only person in the world that thinks the way I do. I also now understand why I avoid certain situations, or why I don’t share things with people, etc.
This fear of embarrassment and of other people has caused me to hide and ignore the things I like. I try to present a very normal and bland exterior, in hopes that people will like me and so I won’t stand out. There are certain things, like Tarot and cross stitch, that I enjoy very much, so I do them anyway. I don’t tell everyone, of course. There are other things that I don’t do because I am afraid of being too different.
I have decided to be brave and do the things I like regardless of the (imagined) consequences. I’m going to listen to classical music even though I think that people might think I am pretentious because of it. I’m going to read books on whatever I feel like, even though I think the librarians think I’m odd. I’m going to let my fingernails be long and painted, because I like them that way. And I am going to stop hiding how smart I am behind a fake bad memory and a small vocabulary.
A big part of getting over this shyness, this social phobia, is getting to know who I am and embracing everything about me. I know it is going to be very difficult, but I am tired of being afraid and I’m tired of trying to please everyone else. It is time to realize that if someone doesn’t like me, than it isn’t the end of the world.
On a different note, I want to say “Hi!” to quanta’s twin sister Shell. I had no idea she read my blog. 🙂