I’ve been reading a couple of books on social phobia and shyness, and I am starting to understand myself a little better. It is nice to know that I’m not the only person in the world that thinks the way I do. I also now understand why I avoid certain situations, or why I don’t share things with people, etc.
This fear of embarrassment and of other people has caused me to hide and ignore the things I like. I try to present a very normal and bland exterior, in hopes that people will like me and so I won’t stand out. There are certain things, like Tarot and cross stitch, that I enjoy very much, so I do them anyway. I don’t tell everyone, of course. There are other things that I don’t do because I am afraid of being too different.
I have decided to be brave and do the things I like regardless of the (imagined) consequences. I’m going to listen to classical music even though I think that people might think I am pretentious because of it. I’m going to read books on whatever I feel like, even though I think the librarians think I’m odd. I’m going to let my fingernails be long and painted, because I like them that way. And I am going to stop hiding how smart I am behind a fake bad memory and a small vocabulary.
A big part of getting over this shyness, this social phobia, is getting to know who I am and embracing everything about me. I know it is going to be very difficult, but I am tired of being afraid and I’m tired of trying to please everyone else. It is time to realize that if someone doesn’t like me, than it isn’t the end of the world.
On a different note, I want to say “Hi!” to quanta’s twin sister Shell. I had no idea she read my blog. 🙂
Needleworker, Knitter, Crocheter, Sewist, Paper Crafter, and more!
You go girl! I personally think you should have your nails how you want them! And read what you want to read an listen to what you want to listen to! And don’t apologize for having an education or a good vocabulary…education is a one way street…you can’t unlearn what you know! I’m proud of you for stepping out and being fabulous! Keep it up!
I think a lot of people are attracted to people who are not like everybody else. For a big part of my life I always tried to fit in, not because I was shy or afraid but just out of habit. A part of me always longed to be eccentric but my mother was always scolding me for “acting up” or “showing off” so it just got to be a habit to hide the real me even in adulthood. Now I’m 46 and still trying to get out of the habit being like everybody else.
By the way, I found your weblog because every once in a while I do a Technorati search on the words “classical music” to see if I can find someone new talking about classical music and this post came up. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that listening to classical music is pretentious! The people who knock classical music are the one’s who are pretentious because they are making a judgement about something they know nothing about.
Sorry if I’ve rambled on too much in your comments. Good luck.