When I grow up…

I had a nice talk with quanta this morning. We were discussing the fact that I don’t really seem to like myself. While not entirely true, there is something to that observation. I told him it was because I was never allowed to do or be what I wanted to do or be. I wasn’t allowed to go to school to become a writer, teacher, historian or archeologist. All things I would dearly love to do, yet I was made to feel that they weren’t worthwhile since I couldn’t make a good living. Instead, I went to school to be an engineer. When that didn’t work out, I transfer to the computer science program. I did okay in school, but not as well as I could have because I didn’t enjoy it. My high marks, As mostly, came in my elective classes which were ancient history or Japanese studies. But going to school to get a job where I would make money didn’t work out. Three years out of university this month and I still haven’t got a job in my field. Nor do I want one.

quanta asked me what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to pay off my student loans and then stay home and raise some children and, of course, write in my free time. He said okay, but how are you going to pay of those loans? I don’t know. Get a job obviously. But I do know that when I have children, if they want to go to school to be historian, or even an engineer, I won’t stop them.