Sitting on the Dock of the Bay…

Fran, over at Sacred Ordinary, wrote an inspiring entry this week about her impending retirement. She has laid out some wonderful goals for herself. Now she has got me questioning just why I wasted the past couple of years. On June 1st, for all intents and purposes, I will have been unemployed for two years. It is partly by choice and partly through circumstances that I am not working. Mainly, I am not willing to go back to retail (unless it is a bookstore job) and I am also not well suited for a corporate job. So, I’m stuck in these weird limbo, trying to find the job that is right for me. Anything else will turn me into an evil, slobbering, bitch beast of a woman. (And believe me, I’m only half kidding. quanta wasn’t very sad when I left EB, because it had made me a mean woman.)

So, why didn’t I accomplish much these last couple of years? Partly because I always felt like I was waiting for something. I might starting working soon I’d think to myself, so I wouldn’t get started on the big project that was calling me. quanta might think I am wasting time I’d think, so I wouldn’t settle down to read that book. They were pretty lame excuses, now that I look back. So what if I start working, I can still work on my project to, I just have to scale back the time I spend on it, and when has quanta ever not supported me?

I have actually accomplished quite a bit though, if I am willing to look beyond just word output or books read. I have learned a lot about myself and my spiritual path. I’ve enjoyed cooking dinner almost every night, and I have discovered some great recipes that I will use my whole life. I have found the Zen-like pleasure that can come when one is fully present while cleaning house. And I have even made some good friends online. These skills may not get me a job, but they make me a better person. And if I’m looking for concrete accomplishments, well I’ve finished several large cross stitch pieces, I created The Lotus Pond and this blog. I’ve also been part of a study group and CFFN, and written volumes of text in the process. Maybe I didn’t really waste my time as much as I thought.

But, bearing that in mind, I’m going to be a little more careful about letting the days pass with having done not much more then veg in front of the TV. There is always a book to read, for fun or for education, or an essay to write, or a park to walk to. These past two years haven’t been wasted, nor will any of the years yet to come.

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