I’m a little disappointed at myself this month. I got a job and then I went on a spending spree. My VISA bill is ridiculously high, and I have to start making student loan payments again by the end of the month. I don’t expect any sympathy, since I know some of you are much worse off then I am. In fact, I’m not really poorly off at all. I just can’t control myself when I get a little bit of money. I bought things I didn’t really need, like an MP3 springboard for my Handspring and a pretty bag with some Selina Fenech artwork on it.

I’m not going to be able to pay my bills this month. quanta is going to have to help me, again. I’m really sad about this, and I have learned a couple of important lessons. First, I shop when I’m sad, which means that I shouldn’t carry my VISA with me when I know I’m feeling down. I should go to the museum instead, since I have a membership and there is nothing to spend money on there. Second, I need to learn to handle my own money better. I pissed away a stupid amount of money this month, and I have very little to show for it–a couple of new gadgets, some clothes (which I did need), makeup (which I didn’t need, but had a coupon that expired), the bag, and more then $50 worth of books. I didn’t really need any of it. I have got to change my spending habits if I ever want to pay off my student loans and repay quanta for all the help he has given me. And, most importantly, I don’t want to have children until my loans are paid off. At the rate I’m going, I will be 40! No more stupid spending!

Of course… I’ll glad take donations and gifts from my wish list. 😉 Just kidding!

I’ve been so focused on figuring out what to do in regards to the job, that I had totally forgotten that today is Lammas. Quite frankly, I am far to exhausted to do anything to celebrate it. My mind is going a mile a minute, and I am tiring myself out trying to figure out what to do.

I’m also working my way through a book about shyness and social phobia. Although I haven’t yet got to the part that gives suggestions on how to overcome this problem, I already feel a little better. It is nice to know that I’m not the only person in the world that thinks they way I do. I think that understanding this is very helpful, because it makes me feel a little less isolated.

I made it through the week… thank goodness. The only battle wounds I have to show are some sore teeth (from clenching them together all week) and sore shoulders (from being so damn tense). I have an opportunity for another job interview. It would be a step down in terms of future growth and pay, but it would be a step up in terms of what I am capable of handling right now. Quite likely I will take it, although I’m going to put all thoughts of work out of my head, at least for a day or two.

Tomorrow I am going to finally sit down and read the first chapter of the Zero Boss’ masterpiece. (Do I get extra points for that, Jay?) I’ve had it for nearly a week, but I just haven’t been able to give it the attention it needs. And after that, I’m going to do something for me. I don’t know what yet, maybe sew or read or think.

I should be out enjoying the full moon, which is actually a blue moon where I am (and in all of North America if I remember correctly). But I think I will be forgiven, since it is all I can do it keep my eyes open and my thoughts coherent. If anyone is doing any special work for the full moon, please spare a thought for me. The extra help would be appreciated.