Memories of Hamilton

Posted on July 29, 2004 by Heather

My trip back to Hamilton, earlier this week, was a bit of a difficult thing. I suppose when you live in a town for a long time, you don’t really see all the changes that go on. But when you visit only occasionally, new construction and closed stores seem to stand out. Places that were landmarks of my youth are now gone. And things that remain are often changed–like the old CHCH building, which is now an abandoned theater.

I wish there was a way to make certain things remain the same. The childhood home of my mom’s best friend should not now house a business. The story where I used to shop for comic books shouldn’t be closed. And the movie theater where I used to go with my high school friends shouldn’t be a bingo hall.

I suppose the memories of those places will live on in me. Some are good, and a few are bad. But it is okay, because it is the memories of those places and times that have made me what I am, not the places themselves.

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Sappy Had

Posted on July 28, 2004 by Heather

The trip to my doctor went a little better then I expected. My heart rate is great (which is surprising), and my lungs sound clear (which is wonderful). My weight has gone up quite a bit in the last two years, but that isn’t surprising. As for my most recent problem, I told him all the facts and he told me what was wrong, simply and clearly. I know I won’t be better tomorrow, or next week, but at least I am now on my way to fixing the problem.

I feel very relieved. For the past couple of years I’ve been trying to pretend that nothing is wrong. This, of course, has lead to the occasional angry outburst, which is only to be expected. It is difficult to constantly pretend that life is good when inside you are barely keeping it together. Now I don’t have to act like I’m okay. Although, I will admit to feeling bad about feeling bad. My life is pretty good, and hopefully I will be able to enjoy it sooner rather than later.

Things for Sil to do to feel better:
– take her meds (yay! :P)
– do things to please herself, rather than trying to please everyone else
– find another job (even retail will be fine)
– write
– spend time on her spirituality
– hug quanta and Isis every day
– finally eBay all that cross stitch stuff (oh… wait, that’s another To Do list)

Well, dear Readers, I am hopefully on the road to recovery. It will take a will for me to get there, but at least I’ve finally taken the first step. I was going to say that I feel both sad and happy today, but that makes me either sappy or had. 😉

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Less ThenThan Perfect

Posted on July 27, 2004 by Heather

I said that I didn’t want to be one of those people who told everyone they were writing a book and then never actually got around to it. Well, that is exactly what I have become. I have written exactly 0 words in the past month. I have done exactly no research in the past month. And I have exactly no idea of what I am going to write about, or when I will get around to it.

I am tempted to give up my dream, as I don’t want to become a joke, or worse… a failure. I do realize that my current setbacks are only temporary, but it is hard to keep my dream in mind. And that don’t seem to include shitty first drafts or setbacks. Maybe it is time to refine the dream, and to give myself permission to be less than perfect.

Comments Off on Less ThenThan Perfect | Posted in Me, the Writer |

Unconscious Mutterings 77

Posted on July 25, 2004 by Heather

Ah, Sunday. The day for walks in the park, doing laundry, scrubbing out poopy kitty boxes, and participating in this week’s Unconscious Mutterings.

  1. Sleep:: Rest
  2. Stats:: Game
  3. Portfolio:: Stock
  4. Lipton:: Iced Tea
  5. Telly:: Vision
  6. Immigrate:: Emigrate
  7. Viable:: Doable
  8. Serene:: Tranquil
  9. Mountain:: Bike
  10. Natalie:: Girl

Unconscious Mutterings

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Witches Weekly – More Pagan Community

Posted on July 24, 2004 by Heather

More Pagan Community

What do you find most annoying about the Pagan Community?
There are several things I find annoying about the Pagan Community, which is why I generally avoid it. Some of the most annoying things are the victim mentality many Pagans seem to cherish, the way many Pagans have money for new tools and books but not for charity or to support clergy, the constant “Witch Wars” over ridiculous issues, and the sometimes overly permissive attitude (i.e. the feeling that anything goes, along as it “speaks to you”, without any regard to the underlying framework and spirituality of the path in question).

Are there any specific symbols that are sacred to you or that you hold close to you?
There are symbols that I recognize as being sacred to my path, but there are few that I hold sacred myself. I find it difficult to view the pentacle or ankh (as I am dedicated to an Egyptian deity) as sacred because of the misuse I see all around me. Both these symbols, as well as other Pagan symbols, have become part of popular culture, and no longer seem special and set apart, like sacred things should. Instead, I carry the sacredness with myself.

What’s one thing that you think the Pagan Community needs?
Funnily enough, quanta and I were talking about this very thing yesterday evening. I feel that the Pagan Community needs a dedicated priest/nun/spiritual dedicant class. It seems to me that there is a sub-set of the Pagan Community that is moving towards a more philosophical faith (as opposed to the current supernatural/magic-based faith), and I believe that we will need some dedicated thinkers to truely explore this new path. I do realize that Pagan faiths are meant to blend with normal life, but I still think that there would be a great deal to be gained by the Pagan community as a whole if we had such a group of people exploring our faith.

Witches Weekly

3 Comments | Posted in Memes & Collabs |

Doing Better

Posted on July 24, 2004 by Heather

So, I’m feeling better today. Which is to be expected, since I’m not at work. 🙂 My parents came down for a visit today, and to drop off the desperately needed dehumidifier. We had a good talk about my recent problems, and I think everything is going to be okay. I am going back to work on Monday, with a good deal of optimism. And I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for Wednesday morning. Hopefully I will be able to get the day off. If not, well, I’ll deal with that if it happens. I figure I’ve got to keep the job because I want to get the limited edition Gaian Tarot! 🙂

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SAD

Posted on July 22, 2004 by Heather

As you may have noticed via my last entry, I’m not at work today. I’m home sick. It is up to you to decide whether I’m really sick, making myself sick, or something else entirely. Let’s just say that it was impossible for me to walk out the door and get on the street car this morning.

I went back to bed before quanta left for work, and slept until nearly noon. Now that I am ensconced on my sofa, reading books and surfing the net, I feel much better.

From my recent experiences, in addition to what I posted the other day (i.e. I’m smart but I can’t handle simple things), I have learned the following:
– I have very few social skills (who’d have guessed?)
– I hate making coffee
– I am most comfortable behind my computer, sitting on my sofa
– I can’t deal with decisions, stress, or responsibility, especially in regards to a client who pays upwards of a million a year for services
– I don’t want to be around people
– and lastly, it is time to go back to the doctor to see about going on meds again

Continue reading →

4 Comments | Posted in My Life |