Doing Better

Posted on July 24, 2004 by Heather

So, I’m feeling better today. Which is to be expected, since I’m not at work. 🙂 My parents came down for a visit today, and to drop off the desperately needed dehumidifier. We had a good talk about my recent problems, and I think everything is going to be okay. I am going back to work on Monday, with a good deal of optimism. And I have a doctor’s appointment scheduled for Wednesday morning. Hopefully I will be able to get the day off. If not, well, I’ll deal with that if it happens. I figure I’ve got to keep the job because I want to get the limited edition Gaian Tarot! 🙂

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SAD

Posted on July 22, 2004 by Heather

As you may have noticed via my last entry, I’m not at work today. I’m home sick. It is up to you to decide whether I’m really sick, making myself sick, or something else entirely. Let’s just say that it was impossible for me to walk out the door and get on the street car this morning.

I went back to bed before quanta left for work, and slept until nearly noon. Now that I am ensconced on my sofa, reading books and surfing the net, I feel much better.

From my recent experiences, in addition to what I posted the other day (i.e. I’m smart but I can’t handle simple things), I have learned the following:
– I have very few social skills (who’d have guessed?)
– I hate making coffee
– I am most comfortable behind my computer, sitting on my sofa
– I can’t deal with decisions, stress, or responsibility, especially in regards to a client who pays upwards of a million a year for services
– I don’t want to be around people
– and lastly, it is time to go back to the doctor to see about going on meds again

Continue reading →

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An Arrest

Posted on July 22, 2004 by Heather

You may or may not remember the couple of entries I made regarding the missing little girl from Toronto who was found dead several months back. (Read Little Girl Lost and The Missing for a quick recap.) Today, the Toronto police have announced that two suspects have been arrested in relation to the case of Cecilia Zhang, and are facing unspecified charges. I sincerely hope that they have found the people who did this awful thing, and that the Zhang family can start to get some sort of closure.

Read the CBC Newsworld story: 2 charged in Cecilia Zhang case: report

And thank goodness that the neither have any known tie to the Zhang family. It seems to me too often that some crime against a child can be traced back either to the family or someone who was supposed to be looking after the child. In this case, that hasn’t happened, nor did I expect it to, and I am relieved on one hand, but also confused on the other. Why do people think it is okay to hurt a child, or anyone, they don’t know?

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Thoughts on Fahrenheit 9/11

Posted on July 21, 2004 by Heather

quanta and I finally went to see Fahrenheit 9/11 last Saturday evening. After reading several blog entries, I expected this movie to be at least as powerful as Bowling for Columbine. It wasn’t, but I also wasn’t disappointed.

I think that the reason I didn’t find this movie as shocking as some other bloggers have is because I am Canadian and they are American. Our news has constantly provided a wider picture of the all the events depicted in this movie – the 2000 election, the war in Afghanistan, the Patriot Act, and the war in Iraq. (I make a habit of watching both Canadian and American news, and the international BBC broadcast when I can.) I think, in general, we have a slightly better idea of what is going on, partly because our news media wasn’t, and isn’t, caught up in the patriotic fever that usually surrounds a war. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but I feel that it does colour the news reporting.

I enjoyed the movie because it is getting out information, all be it slightly biased, that needs to get out there. It is something that should be shown on CNN so that everyone can see what exactly is going on. (Either that, or Canadian news channels should be shown on American cable so as to present another view of the news.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-American. I just happen to be an outsider and neighbour looking in, wondering what the heck is going on and where everything went wrong. Some sincere and well-meaning people seem to have gotten caught up in something big, and things just seem to have gotten out of hand. I really hope that some solution is found that makes everyone, especially the Iraqi people and all the solders, happy.

Michael Moore’s Footnotes to Fahrenheit 9/11

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Another Day

Posted on July 20, 2004 by Heather

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and advice. I know I’ve been a big suck. I mean, lots of people don’t have jobs, right? And my only problem is that I am way out of my comfort zone and doing something I hate, and eating too many cookies in the process. (I’m never going to fit into my wedding dress by next fall!) I guess I just don’t want to grow, which isn’t a very spiritual thing to say, is it?

We learn a lot about ourselves when we are put into situations that are difficult. For example, I know several people who are very smart, but for some reason just aren’t good at simple things. For example, quanta can’t cook or do simple home repairs even if his life depended on it. Well, this week I have discovered that I am one of those types of people too. Apparently this was actually well known to my friends and family, but no one clued me into it. *sigh* I’m not good a social interaction with strangers, or with really simple administrative tasks, like answering the phone and putting people on hold. But give me some complex problem related to my studies, or ask me about ancient history, etc. and I’m great. I guess I just have to carry on and try not to cry at work. Although so far I’ve cried every night when I’ve gotten home.

On a much happier note, today marks the one year anniversary of my engagement to quanta. :love:

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Pain

Posted on July 19, 2004 by Heather

How do you stay spiritual when your day is spent answering phones, making coffee, and doing data entry for contest forms? (It is so sad when someone checks off that they make less then US$25,000, and that one of their financial priorities is buying luxury items.) I feel so lost right now, and so unlike myself. I am shy, and very timid by nature, and I am quite happy to be that way. But for the past few days at work, I’ve had to call people I don’t know and do research into buying expensive items for my company. I am way out of my comfort zone, and all I can think about is survival. How is it possible to live like this day to day without going crazy?

I suppose the obvious answer is that one needs to learn and grow. Well, I don’t want to. I like myself as shy and quiet. I don’t want to be someone else. I am trying to tell myself that I need to keep this job because I need to pay off my student loan and save some money. But is it worth losing myself in the process? No one else seems to understand the pain this is causing me. But I guess I’ve always been very sensitive. I wish there was some way out.

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What’s the Point?

Posted on July 18, 2004 by Heather

I’m currently reading Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. It is very inspirational, but also quite depressing. Here is a woman that is doing what I dream about doing–making a living through her writing. I haven’t even found time to write much more then the occasional blog entry in the past two weeks. How am I ever going to write my book? Will I ever write it?

The funny thing is, writing this book is about the most important thing to me right now (barring quanta, of course). I really have no ambition when it comes to work, other then paying off my student loan. I just want to write. Why do I waste so much time?

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