I thought I would be very excited and happy to be back to work. I now have my own money, and I’m not stuck in the house all day. But I am much more unhappy then I expected to be. To me, it is very obvious that I don’t fit in, and that I will likely never fit in. Yeah, I know everyone feels uncomfortable their first few days at work, but there is some sort of subtext that I’m not totally able to read but seems to be pointing to the fact that I don’t belong.

This seems to me to be the type of company that hires people very quickly, gives them a week or so to fit in, and then lets them go and hires someone else if they don’t work out. I have figured this out based on the number of interviews that are scheduled, the number of new people hired recently, and the evidence left behind on the computer I am using. So, I won’t be surprised if my job doesn’t last out the week. It’s not that I am completely incompetent (although I’m not great at answering phones), it is just that I don’t seem to fit the culture or their unstated expectations.

I wish, now, that I hadn’t wasted the past couple of years. There are so many things I could have done, but I never got around to them. That makes me pretty sad. I could have done a lot more writing, studying, and paying attention to my spiritual self. But I didn’t and it is water under the bridge now. What is important now is to try to fit in at this job (without changing myself), and to try to fit in the things I want to do at home in the little free time I now have. If for some reason I find myself back at home seven days a week, I won’t waste the time and I will remember what a learning expereince everything has been.

I forgot to mention that The Lotus Pond celebrated its one year anniversary on July 7th, and Reflections in the Pond celebrated its anniversary on July 15th. They have both proved to be very cathartic.

Day One of work is done, and although it wasn’t physically strenuous, I am exhausted. I had mixed duties, and I’m not sure where exactly they plan to place me in the company in the future. I did everything from setting up boardrooms for meetings, data entry, and filing, to sitting in on two conversations and a system admin meeting. Rather confusing, to say the least.

I feel good though. I made money today, for the first time in nearly a year. And I actually enjoyed everything I did. Even the data entry. Which reminds me…

Silverlotus’ Tips for Contest Entries
– include all the info the contest asks for, otherwise your ballot will be marked as spoiled
– don’t bother with duplicate entries, the computer will catch them
– write very, very clearly (if you are unsure, type!), otherwise your ballot is spoiled
– if you live in the U.S. and the ballot is being mailed to Canada, write out the state name
– decorating your ballot or envelope will do nothing more then put a smile on the face of the person opening the envelope

I’ll tell you a little secret though, as nice a day as I had, I would still have preferred being home writing and reading. I’m not a people person. But at least this isn’t a sales job.

I have a job! 😀 I start tomorrow!

Today has been a day of emotional ups and downs. My interview went well. I have the feeling that they have more-or-less decided to offer me the job, but a few things still need to be ironed out that are out of their hands. (i.e. a police background check [!], a possible interview with the rather strange District Manager, and approval by head office) The person I met with today also made is clear that they often have difficult customer after difficult customer, which isn’t all that encouraging. So, my thoughts on whether to take this job are leaning towards no. I am eager to get back to work, but I don’t want a job I’m going to hate by the end of the first week.

After meeting quanta for lunch, I took a trip over to the World’s Biggest Bookstore. Chapters/Indigo is holding the semi-annual bargain book sale, and I’m a sucker for a book sale. 😉 As I was browsing around, looking ever so cute in my interview attire, and a sales associate called me Ma’am! When the heck did I become a Ma’am?

Even though I don’t feel it, I am growing up. I’m not a young girl anymore, and although I don’t quite look my age, I also don’t look like a cute young thing anymore either. I’m finally getting the message that it is time to grow, time to be more confident about my abilities, and time to actually do something with my life. If I keep going the way I am now, it will be over before I have actually got up the courage to do something.

Does that mean I will take the sales job? Well, yes and no. I do have a few other possibilities opening up, and they would take priority. But, if everything else falls through, then I guess I will. I’m a big girl, right? So I can handle the difficult customers with a smile on my face. Of course, the little girl inside of me just wants a job where most of the people are nice.

Maybe, when things work out, I’ll reward myself with one of the limited edition copies of the Gaian Tarot. I have to do something to keep my spirits up.

There will be a few less ripples here at the Pond for the next couple of days. I’ve been busy, and will continue to be so until Wednesday afternoon. Tomorrow is my second interview for the senior retail sales position, and on Wednesday I have an interview for a receptionist position. I would much rather have the reception job, believe me.

So, you would think that this has put me in a good mood. I mean, I’m finally get calls about job interviews. Well, yes and no. quanta’s sister Shell is visiting, and after a long talk this afternoon I am quite upset and demoralized. quanta’s parents don’t like me, and Shell thought she would be nice by letting me know why and letting me know the best way to suck up to them. I told her that the door has just about closed. They haven’t wanted to get to know me and have made awful judgements based on what they think I’m like, and I am not willing to waste my time with people like that. quanta couldn’t really care less, to a certain extent, since he has never been happy with his parents.

Really, at this point I just want a job and to be left alone. If his parents don’t like me, then it is their loss. I am a good, kind, intelligent, and all around great person. 🙂 If they don’t realize how much their son and I love each other, and how well matched we are, again, it is their loss. Life is too short, and they are such a tiny part of our life that my time is better spent elsewhere.

Can you tell that I am PMS’ing today? *sigh* I’m going to go eat (quanta and Shell are out to dinner with their parents, and guess who wasn’t invited) and prepare for my interviews. Wish me luck, and feel free to spare a thought or two for me tomorrow morning and Wednesday afternoon.

Oh, I realize that the Pond has sort of gotten off track lately. I promise I will be refocusing soon. Family and job issues lately have just taken over my life, and I need to seriously take it back!