There are many areas of my life where I am very content and happy. Family and relationship-wise I couldn’t be any happier (ignoring the whole issue of quanta’s parents that is…). Health-wise, my knees are on the mind and I am really trying to make healthier choices when it comes to food and activities. My sleeping patterns are also getting better, and I am feeling better in general… except when it comes to my aspirations.

Over the past couple years I have written both here and in my private journal about wanting to live my dreams. Of course, I first had to figure out what they were. It really wasn’t too difficult since they were things that I dreamed of since childhood-to write a book and to raise a family.

Admittedly, I’ve made very little progress towards either, for all my hoping and wishing. I’ve been too caught up in day-to-day living to pay attention to my dreams. But as I reach a major rite of passage, my upcoming marriage, I am realizing that my dreams are very important because they make me me, and they sustain my desire to live joyfully.

Going back to work yesterday was difficult. When I left in the morning I was feeling pretty good. Of course, by the time I made it to the bus stop (less then a 2 minute walk), I was already soaked with sweat and ready for anyother shower. It is honestly as humid as a rain forest outside lately. Anyway, the subway ride was good, and running my errands went fine (more sweat, will winter ever come?!). But work itself was awful. Almost as soon as I walked in the store I felt like the walls were closing in on me. And I even came in with a good attitude, looking forward to being back at work.

It is pretty obvious to me now that work is a big source of my anxiety. Wonderful, eh? Today I’m going to try a few things to help me calm down, like focusing on my breathing and maybe a few yoga poses at lunch. My only other option is to eat chocolate until I explode! 🙂 Happy thoughts, right?

I am having a seriously blah day. I keep thinking about everything I should do, like go to the library or wash the windows, but what I would really like to do is crawl back into bed. I don’t think my depression has got the better of me again, I just feel lazy today. I’m thinking of getting dressed and heading off to the mall just so that I do something, anything. It’s probably not a good idea though, since I will spend money on fast food and useless things. My vacation is over soon; I had back to work on Monday. So maybe an afternoon curled up in bed with a book wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.

Link: We’re Not Afraid – Quite simply, without fear, terrorists are nothing. Let the world know that we are not afraid!

Note that comments are still broken. I’m not the only one who is lazy. quanta hasn’t re-instated the comments script yet.