Expectations

Posted on May 21, 2004 by Heather

I wonder if we can ever truly know why we are the way we are. My soul searching lately has given me a few answers, but I haven’t yet totally processed their implications.

A few comments are asked why I care so much about shoulds, or have suggested that I just forget about them. I’ve discovered there are two reasons why they are so important to me. First, I really do want people to like me, even if I am a bit of a loner, and the way I see to do that is to meet their expectations. The second reason, which plays off of this, is that I don’t want to appear dumb or uncultured, but I also don’t want to appear pretentious. So, I feel that I need to know a little bit about what everyone is talking about, or might talk about. Which, I suppose, brings in a third point, which I mentioned in passing the other day–I am a closet perfectionist. Until this past week, this isn’t a term I would have applied to myself. But there it is.

I’m not sure what to do with this revelations yet. Mostly, one day I would like to feel free to be myself, to not have to worry about what everyone thinks. But it is so hard to let go like that.

Comments Off on Expectations | Posted in My Life |

Witches Weekly

Posted on May 20, 2004 by Heather

Yesterday was a thinking day, which is why there was no entry. I think, after a few of the very helpful comments I’ve gotten, today may be a thinking day too. I am learning that I really need to lighten up.

Anyway, before I dust off my brain for some serious soul searching, here is this week’s Witches Weekly.

Circle / Sacred Space

How often do you cast a circle / surround yourself in a sacred space?
I rarely cast a circle, although I have written what I think is a lovely solitary circle. However, when I read Tarot (which is far to rare!) I take a few moments to calm myself and essentially create a small sacred space for myself.

What method do you use to cast a circle / surround yourself in a sacred space?
Generally speaking, I use almost-meditation and visualization. I don’t often get up and walk around and act out the circle or space creation. I’m not sure why. I guess it is because I feel a little silly. *sigh* I’m not sure why that is or why I care.

Do you use any specific “props” such as candles, flowers, etc to cast a circle / surround yourself in a sacred space?
Again, generally speaking I don’t. But I have recently assembled an altar kit, which includes candles, a pentacle, a goblet, an athame, and a few other odds and ends. I have used this kit once to create a circle and perform a ritual, and it was wonderful.

1 Comment | Posted in Memes & Collabs |

Shoulds

Posted on May 17, 2004 by Heather

I’ve got a problem with “shoulds.” I feel like I should read a certain book, because everyone thinks it is great or meaningful or something. I feel like I should dress or look a certain way because that is what seems to be the ideal of beauty. I feel like I should like something, or not like it. I feel like I should study this or that.

I’m not sure why I am so trapped by shoulds. I find that instead of inspiring me, they are actually holding me back. Being Wiccan, I feel that I should study Ceremonial Magick and the writings of Crowley in order to get a better understand of certain things. But, honestly, Ceremonial Magick doesn’t interest me one bit. But since I have that should hanging over my head, I spin my wheels, vacillating between studying it and not studying it. And in the end, nothing gets done. I don’t make any real progress in understanding Ceremonial Magick or the things that I would really like to study, like Tarot or just who the heck I am.

Continue reading →

2 Comments | Posted in My Life |

Unconscious Mutterings #67

Posted on May 16, 2004 by Heather

It is Sunday again, and time for Unconscious Mutterings. Most of the rest of my day will be given over to cleaning out the closets (where things were stuck when we moved), and other general housecleaning chores. I’m not sure if I am doing all this because I would like to clean, or because I am avoiding working on The Book. Knowing me, it could actually be either reason, or maybe both.

  1. Playoffs::Hockey (Go Leafs! Oh… nevermind.)
  2. Morris::Tamara (friends)
  3. Break up::Fight
  4. Eggs::Breakfast
  5. Parker::Chris (another old, old friend)
  6. Hardy Boys::Nancy Drew
  7. Deluxe::Super
  8. Protection::Rain
  9. Girl Scout::Girl Guide (different name here)
  10. Salsa::Tomato

2 Comments | Posted in Memes & Collabs |

Research Begins

Posted on May 13, 2004 by Heather

Research as started for The Book. I think that perhaps it might be wise to draw up some sort of time table. In all honesty, I have no idea how long of a process this is likely to be. Beyond doing the actual research for The Book, I also need to learn how to create a proper manuscript and everything else that goes along with that. Yikes! is the word that comes to mind.

I also want to break out the grammar books to give myself a refresher. I would really like to write The Book using good Canadian english. It always warms my heart to pick up a Canadian or British book and see words spelled properly. However, I’m one of those lucky few that went through school when the Hamilton-Wentworth school board decided to experiment with a new method of teaching grammar and phonics. i.e. They didn’t teach them. We just sort of learned to read and spell, more through memorization then anything else. What little formal grammar rules I know I learned from T.V. or in French class. I’m not even sure what a participle is.

I see a long road ahead of me, but I’m still very excited.

Comments Off on Research Begins | Posted in Me, the Writer |

Be Mindful of the Happy Time

Posted on May 13, 2004 by Heather

Southern Ontario is getting an extended taste of summer this week. Today, we’ve hit a high of about 27

3 Comments | Posted in My Life |

True History

Posted on May 12, 2004 by Heather

I love history. But I will admit to limiting myself almost entirely to ancient history. In high school, I did take both a Canadian history and American history class, but I found both rather boring. Lately, though, I’ve become a little more interested in more recent history. I have come to realize that I know almost nothing about the history of Canada, Britain, or even the U.S. What little I do know are the nice, white-washed stories that the media feeds us.

One of my favourite books, Elizabeth: The Struggle for the Throne by David Starkey, paints a portrait of the Virgin Queen warts and all. He questions her claims to virginity, her involvement with the attempts to overthrow her sister, her treatment of Catholics, among other scandals. I’m sure some subjects are still slightly sugar-coated, but it was the most candid history book I had ever read, until today.

I’ve just started reading Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong by James W. Loewen. And, wow, there sure is a lot that I didn’t know about American history. Being the quiet neighbour to the North, Canadians are generally treated to all the same, uhhh… water-down American history that you all get. I think now that I am reading more about the warts and scars that media keeps hidden, I actually have more respect for the U.S.

I hope, once I am finished this book, that I can find a similarly candid book about Canadian history.

Until then, here is an interesting site about Canadian historical (and modern) personalities: The Greatest Canadian. I voted for Agnes MacPhail.

1 Comment | Posted in Media & Politics |