It’s PMS time again, so I’m sitting around being depressed and pissy. It’s a funny thing because I know that my life is pretty good in general. It’s not perfect — I’d like to have a job and I’d like quanta’s parents to like me. (The two are dependent on each other. It will interesting to see how soon it is after we get married until they starting saying we should have kids. :think: ) But, overall, life is darn good. Comfy home (except for that damn ticking pipe!), lots of good stuff to eat (House of Gourmet and Sushi Time! Yum!), clothes, books, time to write and think, and my pretty (grouchy) cat to cuddle with.

I think I whine too much. But I’m not sure what else to do in order to figure out what it wrong. I know I’m not getting anywhere just thinking and spinning my wheels. Once in a while I try to focus and do some self-examination, but I get sidetracked and give up. For example, I’ll start reading a self-help book but switch to another one once the first one starts getting into difficult exercises. Or I will start working with one Tarot deck and switch to another once I start seeing things that hit too close to home. I keep putting off all the difficult work, and I leave everything at the surface. Part of it, I think, comes from the fact that I haven’t found the right book or deck yet. The tools I am using are good, but they aren’t totally right. So, instead I keep putting off any real work, any real self-discovery, until I find the perfect tool.

I think that I am afraid of what I will discover if I really try to get to know myself.

I never really got to discover who I was when I was a teen. I was very heavily influenced by a boyfriend. I had some of my own interests, but they were all half explored. Now that I have the freedom, and now that I am supported by quanta (the wonderful open-minded man that he is), I don’t know what to do. But… I have found this new Tarot deck that might just be perfect… :devious:

Interview – 2
Jobs – 0

One job I know I didn’t get because the lady was kind enough to call this morning and let me know. The position was as a Research Assistant for a placement agency. I was a bit unsure if I wanted to work for them because, well, I find placement and temp agencies a little shady. But, this place seemed nice enough once I got there. I didn’t, however, sign on to be one of their candidates. But, when the lady called she told me my test scores were very high (for Word, Excel and PowerPoint, tested using Qwiz, an industry standard testing system), and she had another position for me. Uh oh. The position turned out to be way out of town, so I turned her down. She said she would be in touch shortly, as soon as she had another position for me. Right. I’m holding my breath. Apparently placement agencies say things like this all the time, and then rarely every get back to you.

I know I didn’t get the second job because I have yet to receive a phone call from them. I would have loved to work for the catering company, but I’m not surprised that they didn’t choose me. My interview was interrupted so many times that I am sure they didn’t remember me. It is very unlikely that my nice thank you note went noticed either.

Next week the job search will continue. There’s got to be something out there for me, beside babysitting phones.

The interview didn’t go so well. It was at a small catering shop (which smelled wonderful!), with a tiny front office. The entire time I was there it was busy. People coming in, people calling, questions about this order and that. I didn’t get to say much more then 20 words. I am sorely disappointed because it seems like a great job for me. It is about a 40 min walk, or maybe 15 min by TTC. It would be a simple job, yet also a very busy one. I know I would be great if given the chance. But, I am sure I won’t be remembered when the time comes. It is hard to make an impression when you don’t get a chance to say anything.

I walked home from the interview and looked in some of the shops along Bloor West Village. I picked up a great journal and some cranberry body creme. I also looked in a really great Chapters. It is in a building that used to be a theater. The stairs and slopping floors are still present, and the magazines are on what used to be the stage. Instead of the comfy chairs you find in most Chapters there are old theater chairs. It has a wonderful atmosphere. I also checked out the nearby needlepoint shop. I was a bit disappointed, as it is pretty unorganized and run down. They carry some cross stitch supplies, but they are very expensive. I guess it is for the best not to have a needlework shop so close by, though.

I’m going to mope for a few hours then jump back into the fray. I know there is a job for me out there somewhere.

I’ve got a job interview tomorrow! And it isn’t for a retail job! I am so excited. Honestly, as much as I would like to get the job, if I don’t that is okay too. Just having an interview is wonderful. 😀