Life is getting better. I’m still suffering from unreasonable bouts of sadness, but over all I am feeling better. (Thanks to those who checked in with me occasionally.)

So, we are in TO now, and it is time to walk the walk. I’ve been saying for ages that if I was settled somewhere that I knew was going to be home that I would make some changes to my life. I knew living in London was only temporary (yeah, for two and a half years!), so I wasn’t ever really able to feel at home. I’m a nester, so I was pretty uncomfortable. I know that barring anything really odd, TO (or one of the surrounding suburbs) is likely where we will live for many years to come. I’m home, finally.

Now it is time to find a job. I’m terrified. I’m afraid of people I don’t know and I hate confrontation. It’s no wonder I hated retail, eh? But I was good at it. Why? Because I had this other personality that I developed to help me cope at work. But, I hated that personality. She wasn’t a person I would want to be friends with, yet she was me. This time I am going to find a job in anything but retail. I don’t think I want anything with a lot of responsibility people-wise. It’s not that I don’t have ambitions, it is just that the lie outside of the corporate world. quanta has suggested that I look for work as a secretary or something similar for a non-profit organization. I think it is a pretty good idea, but I think that I also have to agree with the aims of the organization. It will be hard to be true to myself and still find a good job, but I think I can do it.

I’ve also been working on making a list of things I do well, which is much more difficult then you would think. It’s up to ten things right now. 🙂

I am so sad and out of touch with myself and all things spiritual that I missed Imbolc. I wonder if my short walk around the building counts as communing with nature. It would have been even shorter if I had got my key to work in the side door. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. My mom is convinced that I’m suffering from depression, which is probably true. (I was on medication for depression about four years ago.) I have no interest in things I used to love to do. I haven’t written anything for The Lotus Pond in ages, nor have I touched my Tarot cards or played a game for more then 10 minutes at a time. Something is seriously wrong, and a big part of me doesn’t care.

It is the start of our third full day here in Toronto. I just went out to dumpster out back and took a little walk around the building. (Mostly because I couldn’t get the side door to open again with my new key.) I like it here. It is so quite and peaceful. We live in a small building, among about six other small buildings, in the middle of a residential neighbourhood. For those of you who know Toronto, we live in the area called Swansea, near High Park. We aren’t to far from the bustle of Bloor West Village’s shopping district, and just a short trip away is the busy, busy downtown. (And my fav bookstore!)

I think I can be happy here. We are living in a huge city, but we are also close to nature. There are duck and goose crossing signs on our street! It is the best of both worlds, I think. I don’t think I’m happy yet; that will take time. But for now I am content. Which isn’t so bad, really.

We’ve made it to Toronto. Everything got here in one piece, except my beautiful writing desk. It now sports a lovely scratch along the top. (And not in a spot where it is covered by my blotter.)

Unpacking is going well. Everything important, and many unimportant things, are now unpacked. I’m taking a break for now to let my back recover. *sigh*

Oh, there is a heating pipe that runs along our ceiling (hidden in a bulkhead). It ticks and clicks and groans almost constantly. I’m finding it very difficult to sleep. :tired:

I hate moving. Almost nothing is done. The living room is pretty much packed, and every room has been sorted and cleaned. But no movers are booked and we still don’t know what date we can move it. Obviously not until the 1st. quanta is trying every way he can to save some money, and in the process stressing me out even more. I am so close to just walking away and letting someone else deal with the packing and moving. I’m almost to the point that I don’t care if my stuff gets moved. I’ll take this computer, the cat, and maybe a few knickknacks and call it a day.

I’ve started address changes now that we have a new phone number. Unfortunately, Canada Post needed to be notified ten business days before the move. So, we have a week of mail limbo. You’d think in the age of computers and address changes added by the internet that they could do it sooner. There wasn’t even an option to call someone and request a quicker change. Heck, I’d have paid double to get it done faster.

Anyway, updates will be all but nonexistent until we get moved. I have so much to do this week, beyond staying sane. Packing, reading a book, doing research for an essay. Sadly, there isn’t much time for spiritual pursuits. Maybe if I was something, I don’t know, better or something, then I could find time. But I’m not and I can’t.

Oh yeah, the new people haven’t been approved to sublet yet. 🙁

And, damnit, I want cable when we move! 😡